5 Ways you can Practice Body Neutrality
Body Neutrality: The idea that we can accept our bodies as a vessel to experience life, rather than attaching positive or negative feelings to it.
Body Neutrality is accepting that our body is not the most important thing about us, It is dismantling the idea that if you don’t look a certain way, then you’re not enough. Body Neutrality is understanding that just by owning a body, you are worthy of a beautiful life, regardless of how it looks. Body Neutrality is the middle space between body hatred, and self-love, it is a place that we can sit when society’s conditioning creeps into our minds. It is comfortable and safe. It is Switzerland. It is Neutral.
This neutral concept is how I approach my confidence coaching for both girls and women. I use this concept not only in the way we see our bodies, but also in the way we parent, in the way we approach our careers, how we enter and maintain relationships and how we accept new versions of ourselves.
The idea of loving ourselves fully can seem impossible. Many times I have looked in the mirror and hated what I saw or totally bombed an interview (cue the worst interview of my life where I didn’t realize all the buttons of my blouse were undone…) and I thought, how is it even possible to love myself right now. Some days we are ready to jump into self-love. To jump into action, screaming affirmations, wearing crop-tops, applying for jobs we don’t feel ready for or going on the dates we didn’t think we were worthy of.
The question I often get is, “well what about the days it feels impossible to love myself?” My answer is to learn how to practice neutrality.
Feeling good about how you look all the time simply isn’t realistic for many people. You may feel as if you’ve failed when you don’t like what they see in the mirror. Body neutrality turns the focus to not thinking about appearance at all, instead seeing your body for what it can do for you with no judgment of how it looks.
I want you to think about that scene in Mean Girls when the Plastics start listing their seemingly ridiculous insecurities. I want you to be like Cady Heron, I want you to be so neutral that the only bad thing you can think about your body is how your breath smells bad in the morning.
This is how Body Neutrality might show up in your life:
You think about your stomach as the reason you are able to enjoy delicious food that provides you energy to go throughout your day instead of worrying that it’s too big
You buy clothes that feel good on your body rather than caring about the size of said clothes
You make mistakes as a parent, student, friend but still believe you are doing the best that you can and give yourself grace to try again tomorrow
You bomb an interview and understand that you deserve success regardless of what one organization told you
You get your heartbroken, and after grieving you are able to understand that you are worthy of love regardless of how someone else treated you
Body Neutrality does not mean you are not allowed to want to change something in your life, it simply means knowing that regardless of if you achieve this change you are still a whole person worthy of love and respect.
Much like self-love, body neutrality is also not a destination but a journey and we must practice it every day. Here are some of my favourite ways you can start practicing body neutrality today:
Focus on what your body can do Rather than how it looks
The more we focus on the things we don’t like about the way our bodies look, the more negatives we start to see. Have you ever noticed a pimple in the mirror and as you look closer, you start to notice and obsess over more and more pimples you never saw in the first place? This is the same thing that happens when we focus too much on how our body looks. Instead, I want you to focus on the beautiful things your body lets you do! For example, think: “If it wasn’t for my body, I wouldn’t be able to feel the warm sun on my face on the first day of summer, I wouldn’t be able to feel the embrace of the people I love, I wouldn’t be able to taste that first PSL of fall.” This shift in mindset can be a helpful step away from body negativity.
Wear clothes That fit you and that make you feel good
If you are anything like me, you know that feeling of putting on your jean shorts from last year and feeling defeated when they won’t do up or when they feel so wildly tight you can barely breathe. Trying to squeeze into clothes that are too tight can be a shortcut to body shame. Instead, take some time to find clothes that both fit you and make you feel awesome. Understand that the way that you feel is more important than the size of your clothes. This change can allow you to accept your body where it is today.
Start noticing your thoughts so you can Shut them off
Many of us have those moments where our thoughts start spiraling when we look in the mirror. You think “ugh my arms are too big, my acne is so bad, there is no way anyone will want to touch me with these stretch marks”. The next time you have these spiraling thoughts, I want you to pause and ask yourself: “Are these thoughts helping me right now?” You are not in control of all of your thoughts, but you are in control of what you do with them. The next time your brain is screaming, “I am ugly” I want you to change your thoughts to: “I am having the thought that I am ugly.” When we acknowledge when we are having a negative thought, we can start to learn how to differentiate our intrusive thoughts from supportive thoughts.
Spend less time getting ready
The longer we look in the mirror while getting ready, the more flaws we see in ourselves. It is quite simple, when we intentionally spend less time analyzing ourselves, we have less time to notice our flaws. Now, if you love doing your makeup, or it makes you feel beautiful to keep up with the latest beauty trends, I am not here to tell you to stop! You go girl! However I want you to notice how you feel the longer you are in front of a mirror, if you notice negative thoughts creeping in, I want you to take a break and come back later!
Explore your mindset around exercise
Exercise is such a beautiful gift we get to give our bodies, and not all exercises are made for every body. I loathe running, it does not feel good for my body so instead I found things that feel amazing such as spin and barre. I encourage you to find the exercise that makes you excited rather than allowing it to feel like a punishment. Additionally I want you to let go of the thought that working out is simply to lose weight, and think about how the movement will make you feel. Does exercise lift your mood? Distract you from work stress? Every time you work out, I encourage you to think about a reason that has nothing to do with the way your body looks.
Remember, body neutrality isn’t a destination, or something we achieve. It is something we must practice everyday, and it is challenging. You are so strong for wanting to de-condition the conditioning you have been taught for so long. While taking this journey, I encourage you to take time to celebrate the little wins and give yourself grace for the setbacks. Be proud of your journey, for starting is that hardest part.