The 9 Things I would tell my 16 year old self
Sixteen is the strangest age, you're not quite an adult but you feel like one. You are having to deal with adult things while still being treated like a kid. You have a curfew while you are exploring changing friendships, changing perspectives and changing sex drive. You have to ask to go to the bathroom while being asked to decide what you want to do for the rest of your life. It is strange having adult responsibilities and feelings while still having child rules and this can be challenging. For me it led to me wanting to show everyone I was grown up without having the experience to tackle some BIG issues.
This is why working with girls is so important to me. I work with schools and girls groups to connect with girls age 12-18 to help them find their confidence and their voice. This is the age where we need to know how to set boundaries, how to love our bodies and how to trust our intuition. Sadly, many adults forget what it feels like to be 16, they look back and see a child but what they often forget is that child is going through adult thoughts and experiences and this is the exact time that 16 year old girls need us to help guide them into adulthood, with confidence, vulnerability and authenticity. I remember exactly what it was like being 16, and I want to help as many girls step into adulthood with more grace and less trauma than I did.
When I was 16, my body was taken advantage of and I wish I knew what I knew now. I wish I knew how to be confident enough to say no, to demand respect and to love my body. Over the last 13 years, I have done a lot of work through therapy, reading, listening to podcasts and sharing my story. Through doing this, I have talked to my 16 year old self many times, have forgiven her, have apologized to her and have learned how to love her. In this process, I have developed principles that I wish I could tell my 16 year old self. Since I can’t go back in time I want to share with you to share with your daughters, students, nieces, friends. Here are the things I wish I could tell my 16 year old self:
You have so much time to be an adult you don’t have to rush if you don’t feel ready (No matter what anyone else is doing)
You are going to have times where you want to be an adult. You want to date and have sex, you want to live on your own and make your own rules, you want to make money and travel. I get it, this stuff is all exciting. You will have lots of time for this. The things you won’t have much time for is; seeing your friends everyday at school, following all your passions in different classes and after school activities, having no responsibilities other than figuring out who you are. Some people might want to rush you, and you might feel like you want to rush yourself but I promise you will miss these days. Enjoy them.
love what makes you different from others, this is what Yourself and Other people will love about you in the future
You might feel weird now because you don’t fit into the “cool club” maybe you are into something that you get made fun of. Maybe you have heard these terms. Band Geek. Drama Nerd. Anime Loser. Teacher's Pet. These might make you want to be someone different, to like something different, but I promise this thing will make you interesting when you're an adult. As an adult we use a term, “peaked in highschool.” You don’t want to peak in High School.
People are allowed to be mad at you. If you don’t feel comfortable say no, if someone is upset with you it’s their problem
Right now, it might feel like the worst thing in the world for someone to not like you. To avoid this, you might say yes to things you don’t want to. It is tempting, I understand. It is tempting just to do things to be liked, I've been there, I’ve done it. I promise it doesn’t make you feel better to be liked by other people, it makes you feel worse not liking yourself. Let people be mad at you, as long as you are happy with yourself, they can chill.
Go for your dreams, you have lots of years to “have a backup plan”. Learn how to believe in yourself even if no one else does.
Your parents and your teachers might want to push you into doing the “safe” thing and encourage you to do something that doesn’t make you happy. Yes, there may come a time where you have responsibilities and you have to play it safe but right now is not that time. Let yourself dream, let yourself work for something that fires you up, you have time to try and fail. Let yourself!
Listen to your parents, they might be out of touch but they are not the “idiots” you think they are
Seriously. I know they are cringe, but they do know what they are talking about. If they give you some advice, ask them why. They just might tell you something profound.
Listen to your gut, it will not steer you wrong. Ever.
Your gut is your best friend. This is that feeling you get when something feels awesome or something doesn’t feel quite right. Your gut is that voice that guides you in the right direction. I know you have tried to suppress this feeling to be nice or be liked, but it will keep coming back. That’s a promise. Once you can listen to your gut, you will always know the right decision.
Never let a Date get between you and your friends
I know your boyfriend/girlfriend is important now, but your friends are going to be there through this break up, and probably 20 more. Don’t take that for granted. Trust me, you will meet someone amazing but they probably won’t be in high school. I know your high school love feels like forever, and it might be but it probably won’t be. But your friendships will be.
Failure is awesome, you will regret the things you don’t do more than the things you have done
I know failing feels scary. It makes you feel like you are unworthy, not enough and unloved. However, this failure now is going to lead to your success later. You need to fail to know what you want. Let it happen, and push yourself to fail.
Your body is the least important thing about you. Learn to love what your body can do for you over what it looks like
I know what you look like is one of the most important things to you right now, but I need you to work with me. I need you to change your mindset of caring what your body looks like to caring what your body can do. If you can change this mindset, you will be unstoppable. When we do this, we allow ourselves to focus on our accomplishments rather than the superficial. This is when you can change the world.